Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Story: The Bumbling God Part 2

The Bumbling God Part 2

The baby Krishna came to grow up in a village not to far from the palace in which he was born. Kamsa had given up hope of finding the child with his own men but he was still anxious for and worried for the prophecy could still come to end his life and thus he had sent demons to find the boy and kill him. As Krishna grew up he became known as something of a trickster among the villagers. This was not entirely his fault though as he often accidentally inconvenienced others. 
Krishna was considered a massive troublemaker but few knew that it was not his intention to ever inconvenience others. It was his curse. Because one of his legs was longer than the other, he had an odd gait that led him to often walk in odd patterns instead of in a straight line. When his mind would drift while he walked, he would often bump into women who were carrying jars filled with milk or butter and thus Krishna was known as the one who spills milk and butter among the people of the village even though he had never tried to spill their milk or butter. The women whose milk had been spilled would go to Krishna’s mother and explain what the boy had done but his mother would always defend him.
“It is not his fault,” she would say. “The boy’s mind simply wanders and he doesn’t see you sometimes.” The other women would begrudgingly accept this and go on their way. Now the young Krishna was still being hunted but he did not know what to fear. The boy was still young and very naïve and while he was walking through the village one day, a woman bumped into him and she spilled the milk she was carrying all over the ground. Krishna apologized and offered to make reparations but the woman said she was fine. She simply asked for Krishna to help her carry the pieces of her jar home so it could be mended with clay. The boy helped her back to her home but once she was there, she thanked him for the help and offered him a cup of water. Krishna did not want to be rude and so he stepped towards the woman to take the cup, but he tripped over his foot and caused the woman to spill the water on herself. She screamed in agony and writhed on the floor as the water burned her flesh. Krishna did not know what was happening and so he fled from the house back to his home. He didn’t know that the woman was a demon who had been planning on poisoning the young Krishna, but when the poison was spilled on her instead, it had poisoned her and ended her life.

Kamsa learned quickly from other demons that the first assassin he had sent had failed to kill the boy and thus he was determined to send others to make sure the job was finished this next time.

Bibliography: Epified Krishna, link

File:Krishna's great escape Bazaar art,1940's.jpg
(Krishna's great escape, wikimedia commons)

6 comments:

  1. I really loved this! There were lots of lines that nearly broke my heart. Like, "(he) was still being haunted but did not know what to hear." I found that line and "This was not entirely his fault though as he often accidentally inconvenienced others." to be eerily relatable. Krishna kind of has a Forrest Gump like personality in this writing. He doesn't mean to be "bad" but he can't help what curses him, but he has a mother who loves and believes in him, trying to teach him how to navigate. I also love the turn where his curse actually saves him. It seems like you're going to go on with this story- I definitely want to read more!

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  2. I liked this story! I haven't had the chance watch the Epified Krishna yet, but now I definitely want to watch it! I've never thought about Krishna once had to be kid to be the adult that he is now. All the gods were once young and depended on others... how crazy is that! Young and naive Krishna is adorable and I am so happy that he didn't get poisoned.

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  3. I liked how you made a character disliked by others, but because of a deformity, something that he has no control over. Imagine if Ravana only needed a prescription drug to prevent violent outbursts and kidnapping-related impulses.
    I noticed a few things that you could fix. The "to" in the first line needs to be changed to "too". The second sentence in the first paragraph is a little confusing. It seems like there's an extra "for" after the word "anxious". You could probably turn this sentence into two to make it more clear. I'm not sure if the last paragraph should have an empty line before it.

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  4. I really wish you had remembered to write an author's note with this story so that I could know what is true and what is your imagination. I watched the Epified Krishna videos, but I do not remember anything about a longer leg or this particular demon. However, your story makes me want to learn more about Krishna and his childhood.

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  5. This is getting really good! I like how you were able to show the readers a glimpse into Krishna's childhood, and how his deformities are altering his life as he grows up. I also like how you managed to sneak some demons into the story, disguised as village women! Ha! Again, I was really searching for a clear Author's Note here so I could compare what the actual story is compared with your creative one. Also, I think the final two sentences could leave us with a bit more drama if you were up for a little editing... Kamsa was then determined: a little deformed boy surely couldn't be a threat to trained assasins, could he? Perhaps this first assasin was a fool and unfit for the job. Maybe he'll send the next assisins in pairs, or in threes, to secure that the job gets done. Maybe Kamsa relaxes a bit, because he at least knows which village Krishna is in, and now he just has to wait for the kill.... So much suspense could be built up here!

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  6. I read Krishna's story a couple weeks ago and I love what you did with this. I also like how your stories are kind of like a "series". Overall, your writing and your presentation for this was really good. You were able to keep my interest through out. All I kept thinking was how awful that king is. I mean, come on! This was just a little boy!

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