Story: The Mechanical Monster

The Mechanical Monster

In that twelfth year, when the Pandava brethren were to finally return home from their long and arduous exile, they were beset by one of the greatest challenges they would face yet. And so it happened that a white deer had stolen the kindling of a well known Brahmin and this Brahmin had begged the Pandavas to aid him and finally Yudhishthira acquiesced and promised their aid. And so they had gone forth into the forest to hunt the deer, but no matter how hard the Pandavas tried and no matter how carefully their traps were hidden or how true their aim was, they failed to capture the beast. In their exhaustion, they rested in the middle of great forest under a leafy canopy that blocked out almost all light from the sun. One of them by the name of Nakula climbed a tree to look for a water source so that they could drink and continue their quest. Spotting a clear, blue lake, he quickly descended the tree and sprinted to the water but he was stopped by a giant metal monster that came in front of him and shouted, “You must answer my question before you can drink.” Nakula did not listen though and attempted to drink from the lake and the great mechanical beast rolled forward and with long, rope-like arms so fast they could not be seen, he snatched up Nakula and then was gone in a puff of smoke.

            One after the other, those that had journeyed forth to find the deer came to the pond and they were confronted by the great mechanical beast who demanded that each one answer his questions. Never did they listen though and soon four brothers had been snatched away by the great monster. Finally,  Yudhishthira came forth and the beast spoke to him. “You must answer my question before you shall drink.”

            “Speak then, but first I must ask you, why do you do this? I have seen you take the others and I know what you plan to do to me as well if I do not humor you,” Yudhishthira said.

            “Don't ask me silly questions

I won't play silly games

I'm just a simple choo choo train

And I'll always be the same.

I only want to race along

Beneath the bright blue sky

And be a happy choo choo train

Until the day I die.”

“I do not understand you, great beast,” Yudhishthira said.

“It does not matter,” the beast said. “There is a thing that nothing is, and yet it has a name. It's sometimes tall and sometimes short, joins our talks, joins our sport, and plays at every game.”

“It is a shadow,” Yudhishthira said.

“Right. Now you ask me one,” the beast said.

“But you said if I answered your question, you would leave me be. If I answer your questions, will you free my brothers?”

“Your brothers are dead and so soon you shall be too. Ask me a riddle or I shall end you.”

“Fine. What's better than all the gods and worse than Old Man Splitfoot. Dead people eat it always; live people who eat it die slowly?”

“Nothing, of course,” the beast said quickly as if it wasn't even a challenge. “Today he is there to trip you up and he will torture you tomorrow. Yet he is also there to ease the pain, when you are lost in grief and sorrow.”

“Alcohol,” Yudhishthira said. "You hear it speak, for it has a hard tongue. But it cannot breathe, for it has not a lung. What is it?"
"A bell," the beast said.
 And so it went on in this order with one giving a riddle and another answering it immediately with neither one having to think for even a moment about what the answer was. This continued for several days and nights with the two never stopping and never stumping the other. Finally, a little boy wandered into the verbal struggle and by the beast noticed him immediately. It rolled up to him and it demanded “Tell me a riddle, child!” The child was not at all frightened though and then asked the beast, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” And the beast was silent. It did not know the answer to this question. It thought hard and from deep inside its metal body, a great grinding sound split the air. Then it went completely silent for a several minutes.

            “I don’t know. What?” the beast said.

            “To get to the other side!” And the beast roared and prepared to harm the child, but in the time that it was distracted by the child, Yudhishthira  pulled off the wheels of the beast and he found his brothers stored in a cage in the back part of the beast's body. The beast was unable to move and howled loudly as it had been beaten. The brothers drank from the water and went from that place in peace.

Author's note: I originally had wanted to keep this piece in the historical setting but very quickly had a good idea that involved riddles from one of my favorite book series out there: The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. This specific idea is taken from The Wastelands. I took the train from those books and I used him as the one asking the riddles instead of the original character in this story. For those that don't know, the train is a big fan of riddles in the story and becomes a major antagonist by asking them so it made sense to me to put him in a piece like this. It was a fun little blend to write and it probably would have been fun to make it a bit longer, but for a class like this, It's better to just leave the piece shorter and maybe write another addition later related to this instead. Ultimately, I felt that having the train asking riddles fit the story really well because both the original source material in the Mahabharata and the piece by Stephen King have difficult challenges for their respective protagonists involving riddles. The riddles also help to draw the reader in because they're are always fun to read  and that definitely gives the reader some intrigue so they aren't just bored with the story. In my revisions, I actually left most of the content the same and decided to focus most of my changes on the little details of the piece. I added more descriptions, more colors and visuals so that the reader can better center themselves in the piece. I intentionally left the train vague still because it makes the build up much better for the reader. 

Bibliography: PDE Mahabharata, link,    The Wastelands By Stephen King

(God yama statue, wikimedia commons)

Reading Notes: PDE Mahabharata Part D

There’s so much conflict here and we really don’t see a ton of variation in styles for whatever reason. The general format we see here is very matter of fact and almost historical sounding, which makes the piece have a certain weight to it, but it can weaken the strength of some of the more intense and emotional scenes like when Bhishma finally falls. I think I’d want to really play up the raw emotional aspects of many of these scenes. They’re horrible tragic and they could be done very well. It could be interesting to do a sort of modernized letter (like one sent from the military to a deceased spouse) to alert someone of a family member’s death. It could make for a fun writing project.

I’ll definetly need to include conflict in this week’s piece as there really is just so much of it. We see so many battles and so many horrible tragedies of war. I’d be amiss to not use that kind of beautiful and compelling source material in my writings for this week’s storytelling. The very somber tone that is carried throughout many of the pieces in this reading works very well to express the gravity of what is actually going on. It leaves the reader in a constant state of nervousness and fear waiting for the next tragedy to befall the characters we have no doubt bonded with on some level by now. I hope to be able to emulate that kind of tone if only half as well. It does such a good job of bringing the reader in and giving them something to actually care about so they keep reading. It’s a great stylistic tool and I want to try to emulate it. Perhaps the best example of it is in Ghatotkacha.

Bibliography: PDE Mahabharata, link

(Death of Drona, wikimedia commons)

Reading Notes: Public Domain Mahabharata Part C

It’s very interesting to see how many parallels there are between the Mahabharata and the Ramayana. Many of the same tropes and themes pop up throughout and this is probably true of most ancient stories that probably originally were passed through oral tradition. I do wonder is there is any actual crossover of the pieces in the originals or if it is just due to the effects of oral tradition but I guess there’s no way to know for sure. We see some small connections throughout for sure, though.

The tale definitely takes on a more epic and arduous format here. The journey through the forest is a very universal archetype that shows up time and time again in literature. Here we see the Pandavas wandering in the forest and as almost always happens with this archetype, they further develop themselves and their minds.

Once again, the gods play a very important role in helping out our characters. Both the god of the sun and Krishna make appearances very early on and promise their assistance. It’s something I’m really not used to seeing in literature and much of my storytelling for this class has essentially avoided it or tried to lower the role of the fantastic but I’m thinking I may want to try to include a little more in the future. I don’t want to make it too strong, but it’s certainly worth trying to include. If I were to revise my latest piece, I would consider adding a more divine aspect to it. I think it could really change the nature of the piece.

It’s interesting to see how some of the pieces are almost comical in nature while many of them are very serious and dark. I’m not sure if it has to do with the various authors involved in the public domain edition or if this is actually in the original, but it’s very interesting none the less. 

Bibliography: Public Domain Mahabharata, link

(Hanuman statue, Wikimidia Commons)

Story: The Lacquer Palace

The Lacquer Palace

            The Pandavas had been invited to stay in The Lac Palace, but expecting an evil plot, Vidura, half-brother of Pandu, father of the Pandavas, warned Prince Yudhishthira of what was to come.
"I fear you are in great danger," he said. "Make sure to move with caution as you proceed."
Prince Yudhishthira thanked Vidura and went on his way, worried about what was to come.

            When the Pandavas and Queen Kunti reached the palace, they marveled at the beauty of it, but Prince Yudhishthira saw that all the great tapestries and beautiful ornate rugs and furniture with wondrous scrollwork were all soaked heavily in something thick and black which reeked of strong alcohol and oil and thus he grew fearful. He warned his brothers and mother, Queen Kunti of what was happening around them and they too feared for their lives but no one knew how to escape for the palace was being watched and guarded.

            Now Prince Vidura still worried about the Pandavas and he had sent a worker of his to infiltrate the stores of oil and alcohol which were to have been used to soak the furniture and walls of the palace and to replace them with a watery tar that could easily be mistaken for oil but would neutralize the flammable liquids already in place. But the worker had made a mistake and instead of replacing the oil and alcohol with tar, he replaced it with a strong brown liquor that was foul to smell. The barrels of liquor had been a gift from a country far away called Ireland but all those who tried it had deemed it unpleasant to taste and instead many people had begun to use it for fuel for it burned quite well. It was also used as glue as it became thick like molasses if left to sit in the sun and it was completely inedible to all human beings except for those who made it.

            When the worker returned to Vidura and saw that the barrels of tar with which he was to replace the oil and alcohol were still there, he panicked and realized what he had just done. Vidura, immediately scolded the worker and sent him to save the Pandavas in another way. The worker dressed up as a woman and tried to seduce the leader of the guards, Purochana and his men who were watching the palace and waiting for a chance to burn it down, but he could not sway them and thus he was forced to try to come up with other methods in order to save the Pandavas. He was unable to come up with a bribe large enough to sway them as well and thus he grew desperate. He finally started digging and digging and digging, trying desperately to dig a tunnel into the palace. But he did not know where he was going when he was underground and he dug for many days, praying that the palace would not burn before he got there, but through a stroke of luck, he managed to reach the palace and accidentally knock free a group of tiles in the center of the palace where Prince Yudhishthira was sitting.

            That very night, the Pandavas snuck out through the tunnel that the worker had built and they went safely into the forest. As they fled, the palace was lit ablaze by the guards that had been watching it and it burned to the ground taking with it a beggar woman and her children who had slept there for the night. The air reeked of molasses as the thick tar-like alcohol burned the building down. When the fires ceased and the bodies were found, it was assumed that these were the bodies of the Pandavas and they were able to slip safely into the forests where they would stay for some time.

Author's note: I think I've done an okay job of making this piece more comic. I just decided to leave the comedy light in this one. The main change obviously is that the worker becomes the main protagonist of the story and through his blundering failures, only barely manages to accidentally save the Pandavas and Queen Kunti. I wanted to take on this story from a less historical-style point and also add some humor to it. Though it isn't an extremely comical piece still, it still has some comic elements which I think are the highlight of it. When I went back to edit this, I didn't end up making a ton of changes and I'm still not happy with this one. Well I just don't think I'm ever going to be particularly happy with this one. I could never really decide where to take it so I left the strange disconnected form as it is. It's not great but I just want to be done with it to move on to other pieces now.

Bibliography: Public Domain Mahabharata, link

(Draupadi s presented to a pachisi game, link)

Reading Notes: Public Domain Mahabharata Reading Part B

I’m not sure why but the reading this time around seems much harder to follow. Like it’s either denser or maybe it’s just that we’re being constantly introduced to new characters very quickly and there’s a high amount of changeover with each new scene. It’s leading me to certainly have to read and re-read the pieces in order to get the full jist of the material and I keep having to check the Wikipedia links again and again to stay on task with who is who and why people/things are important. It’s gotten a bit dense. From just a pure writing perspective, it’s good from a more objective stylistic point of view but to a modern reader, it’s almost too historical. I definitely think I’ll take a more narrative tone and style during this week’s storytelling. While the historical style can appeal to some because it feels truer to the piece, I feel like I’ll want to take a more modern stylistic approach and that would be more in line with my writings already anyway.

Thematically, I’ve been drawn to the sort of ambivalent and more random nature that life plays with people. It comes up time and time again that the characters in these tales befall misfortune beyond their control. The beggars at the lac palace are burned to death while sleeping. It’s definitely something I want to try to emulate. I want my story this week to really play up the unpredictability of life (and this is even in a world with gods that directly interact with it). If I choose to use gods in my stories, I want to make sure that even they can fall victim to mistakes and chance. I find it very interesting how the story often portrays the gods as distinctly human in their faults. It’s very interesting.

Bibliography: PDE Mahabharata Link

(Escape of Pandavas from Fire accident, Wikimedia commons)

Reading notes: Public Domain Mahabharata Part A

Just as when I read the Ramayana for the first time, I’m finding myself having to make ample use of the Wikipedia links that give explanations about various character, people, gods, things, etc to get a full understanding of what’s going on. We again see plenty of fantastical elements. Almost immediately we get that some sperm spilled into a river and a fish ate it, resulting in two children. It’s interesting to look into that line of thought because it would seem to imply a belief that children were purely the result of the male sexual organs. I don’t know enough about historical Indian cultural belief to really tell if this is a really belief or not. It is interesting still though.

I do find it very interesting how the god’s in these stories can often be swayed by both good and evil characters so long as they perform certain actions which are looked at in a positive light by the gods. It’s a very interesting aspect to these stories because so often in western culture, we view the idea of a god or gods as being a noble thing generally seeking good. It reminds me of the older western gods like the Roman or Greek ones where the gods themselves are somewhat more fallible and human in nature. They can be tricked and fall victim to many of the same woes as humans. It’s interesting how the gods themselves are often tricking one another and squabbling or battling over things just as humans in the stories might.

Seeing the sorts of major cultural distinctions different from the ones I know is pretty fascinating. It’s very interesting watching the wives of Pandu debate over which one of them will be able to throw themselves on the funeral pyre. It seems almost ridiculous to an outsider like me but I can see that there is a strong cultural meaning behind it.

Bibliography: Public Domain Mahabharata, link

(Gandhari reprimands Duryodhana, Wikimedia Commons)

Feedback Focus: Week 4

So I’ve tried these three ways of reading with the goal of providing more insightful feedback and personally I think that reading aloud is definitely the best option when possible. It helps you notice little things that might sound off that you may not have noticed when just reading it on the page. If there’s some phrasing that screws up the flow, you notice it immediately, or if there’s a misplaced word, it sticks out like a sore thumb when you’re reading aloud.

I’m not a huge fan of the timer method in general. It feels a bit too formulaic and doesn’t allow as much space for creativity or changes in materials. Sometimes I find that I’ll spend more time with a material than another to really feel like I have the same level of understanding. The same goes for feedback. Sometimes I spend longer to say less or sometimes I spend a very short time saying quite a bit. The flow can vary quite a bit in either case. This method can be nice in some ways because it gives you some strict guidelines to follow and helps you stay on take but it just lacks the needed creative variance that good feedback has.

The copy and delete method just seemed odd to me. I guess it could help some people by reducing the influence of formatting, but I haven’t really had that problem. Overall, it seemed like a pretty lackluster method for me personally.

The biggest reading technique I use is trying to read with an editor’s eye – ask what could make this piece better? When you’re reading the piece to try and understand it from the writer’s perspective so that you can best understand it, you can give really good feedback to help the author improve their piece.

(Editing, flickr)

Story: Rama and Sita

Rama and Sita

Rama stepped down the steps off the jet, his brother Lakshmana chasing behind him and their guide in this city, Vishvamitra leading the way to the Limo. Rama had been sent by his father to help finalize a deal for Vishvamitra’s company. Vishvamitra had gone to Rama’s father to ask for help and since he knew Rama was quickly becoming well known in the business world, he beseeched Rama’s father to send his son to help. Rama’s father was hesitant at first and asked if he could send someone else but Vishvamitra insisted and so Rama’s father acquiesced after Rama himself told his father he was willing to go. This exchange was overheard by Rama’s brother, Lakshmana who asked if he could go as well to gain experience and both Rama and their father were fine with it.

The trio of the brothers and their current guide climbed into the limousine, which drove them deep into the center of the city of Mithila and parked in front of the skyscraper where their meeting was to take place. The brothers were led by Vishvamitra into the building and up the elevator to the 55th floor and into a conference room where the president of the other company, Janaka was waiting for them with two of his assistants.

The discussion started quickly with charts being presented and little details being debated, but Rama smiled through the whole exchange and Janaka grew fond of him very quickly. The two discussed the finer details of the aforementioned business deal and Rama was able to convince Janaka to accept the original terms that Vishvamitra had proposed. After the deal was finalized and the documents signed, Rama and Lakshmana asked Vishvamitra if they could wander around the city a bit and Vishvamitra said that would be no problem. He offered them his driver but the brothers insisted on just taking an Uber.

The brothers rode into the center of downtown and after getting out of their ride, they quickly made their way into the garden center, one of the town’s many popular tourist spots. Rama and his brother wandered around the glorious garden’s taking in and observing the many different colorful flowers and arrangements. As the brothers walked around, the others that observed them whispered amongst one another asking who these young men dressed in such expensive suits were.

  While the brothers were looking at a collection of orchids, Rama overheard the voice of a young woman and he found himself almost instantly smitten with just her voice. He turned around and was met with the sight of a beautiful woman dressed in a flowing dress of many colors, accompanied by several other young women. He asked her for her name and she that it was “Sita.”

“Oh Sita, would you please let me take you out this very night,” Rama asked. Sita said that her father, Janaka had to approve of all her suitors before he would allow Sita to go out and so she gave Rama her number and the two separated. The brothers returned back to the hotel where they were to meet Vishvamitra. On the way there, though Rama received a phone call from Sita inviting him to her father’s house to meet him and share a meal. Rama asked if his brother and Vishvamitra could come along and Sita said that was fine. So Rama shared the news with his brother and Vishvamitra and the three of them set forth to visit Sita’s father. Though they did not know it yet, Sita’s father was the very Janaka they had spoken with earlier that day.


Author's note: I've been having fun with modern retellings and so I thought I'd stick with it some more. I took one of the first scenes we find in the Ramayana and tried to superimpose it over some modern events and culture. I left the names of people and places the same for stylistic effect but it kind of seems out of place looking back on it. Oh well. It sticks mostly to the original source material with only a few slight deviations.


Bibliography: Divine Archer, F.J. Gould

(The breaking of the Bow of Janaka, wikimedia commons)

Reading Notes: Divine Archer by F.J. Gould part B

It seems I may have been a bit overzealous with my initial belief that the writing style was much less formal than the public domain edition with its many authors, but after reading this section, I felt like it often grew somewhat matter-of-fact. Intense action scenes are often given without much life to them – they’re simply described. Now there are some battles in the war at Lanka that are described very well but it seems like the majority of the time, a more muted manner of description is taken. It works in a way because it makes it clear that is a translation of an older work. If I were to emulate this kind of style, I’d had to maintain a certain distance as the author and make sure the narrator himself has that same distance from the piece so that the descriptions are more plain and simple. This style has its perks though. It greatly increases the overall believability of the piece because things often don’t need explanation. It’s just stated that Rama does this and thus as the reader, we accept it to be truth. It’s a unique way to force weight behind the written words.

I will say that the style here seems to be based in the idea of storytelling and this makes sense given the context of the Ramayana. There’s a certain beauty to it because it takes a more descriptive and narrative path that still allows for certain embellishments by the actual author and though I’ve struggled to find any major changes made by this author, the stylistic changes alone can actually change the emotion and the tone of a scene. For example, when the great vulture tries to save Sita, the scene in this book is much more emotional than the one found in the public domain edition. Even though the description is from a narrator with some distance, there is still strong emotion in the piece.

Bibliography: Divine Archer by F.J. Gould, link

(Forest dwelling Rama and Lakshmi battle Ravana, Wikimedia commons)

Reading Notes: Divine Archer by F.J. Gould Part A

It’s definitely interesting reading the Ramayana in a different form this time around after first reading it with the public domain version. The scene where Kausalya sees Rama as the baby manifest as a god is particularly well done and beautifully written image. I plan to try to emulate the style you see in that scene with my story this week. The language is very florid and very heavy on imagery and description. It makes for a very visual tale which works very well for tales that may be from another culture such as this to a reader like me.

Though the content is basically the same, this kind of novelized story-telling format of the piece is much more appealing to read than the often more matter-of-fact style used in the public domain edition. It’s much more appealing to the reader this way. I could take a lesson from the style here and make sure to write my stories in a more pleasant to read manner like this one. Though the style isn’t entirely modern, it’s still very easy to read to an outsider like me. There’s lots of small bits of information given throughout the work which helps make things clearer. Like when the Brahmans are described as priests. It’s just a little bit of info that helps give the reader needed info. It’s good form in writing to give the reader that kind of info if they might not know it. There’s definitely a fine line though where you can give too much info to the reader and so you only the most important info should be given. This version of the Ramayana tends to only give the info when a new topic first comes up which is a good way of doing it. When new characters arise, they’re always given sufficient background info to make sure the reader knows what’s going on quickly.

Bibliography: Divine Archer by F.J. Gould, link

(Parashurama, wikimedia commons)

Story: Hanuman's Fantastic Leap

Hanuman's Fantastic Leap

And so it came to pass that the band of the monkeys that had set forth to find the missing wife of Rama had reached the great sea that separated the  continent from the evil city of Lanka. Without any way to cross, it was then discussed among the monkeys how they were to cross such an immense ocean. Several monkeys joked that they could easily leap the entire distance of the ocean in a single bound, but then Hanuman (who was always boisterous and a bit foolhardy) boasted that he would leap over the entire length of the sea in one bound. The others did not take him seriously and largely ignored his comment, greatly frustrating him as they continued discussing how they were to cross the sea in more realistic ways.

As the others discussed their plans, Hanuman, dejected and upset, slunk away and attempted to assemble a catapult from the carts and equipment the monkeys had brought with them and he rolled it to the edge of the beach away from the sight of other monkeys. But when he tried to fire it, it split in half for he did not know what he was doing and so he was forced to rework his design and build it again from the scraps. This time, he was able to launch a rock a few feet but again, after several tries, it broke. He toiled tediously building and rebuilding again and again hoping to finish his task before they caught on, but each time he could still see them splash into the ocean and so he would disassemble his machine and rebuild it bigger and stronger each time. Whenever he would fire the machine, he would nervously glance in the direction where the others were still discussing their plans, afraid that they would hear him and come look for themselves what the ruckus was, but each time, no one came to see what Hanuman was up to. It was just assumed he was somewhere breaking things in retaliation for being ignored.This went on throughout the night with Hanuman finally creating an apparatus capable of launching a heavy log far out of sight beyond the edge of the horizon. Contented with himself, he broke for a quick meal, eating several bananas he found on a nearby tree. After he had finished his meal and while the others slept, Hanuman prepared himself a large tarp sewn together from the large leaves of the elephant ear plant of the forest. He planned to use the net he created in order to slow down his descent into Lanka so that he could land safely when he finally reached the other side of the great sea. He was confident that he would make it.

The following morning, the other monkeys went to the beach to see what kinds of ships they could launch from the shores, but they immediately found the giant catapult that Hanuman had built waiting for them. Hanuman himself sat in the basket holding a long stick with which he was trying to use to activate the firing mechanism and thus launch himself across the sea. The others begged Hanuman to stop what he was doing before he hurt himself, but he would not listen to them. The other monkeys rushed forward to try to steal the stick from Hanuman so that he could not fling himself to what was surely his certain doom, but instead they accidentally activated the apparatus and Hanuman was flung far into the sky, rocketing quickly beyond the horizon. The other monkeys mourned for the loss of their good friend now that he was surely dead. “What a fool he was," they said, telling one another that they did everything they could to stop Hanuman from his clearly insane path. They quickly agreed to build boats to cross the water in hopes that they might be able to recover the body of their foolish friend.

While the monkeys wailed for the death of their friend, Hanuman himself calmly soared through the air high above the water at extreme speed. He could see the fish swimming below him in the clear, blue waters and his eye was caught by a dark black spot on the ocean’s surface that continued to grow bigger and bigger below him. He watched it, curious, as it was moving right along below him matching his speed perfectly and thus Hanuman assumed this must be his shadow until suddenly, the black dot, which had by then grown extremely large in size, burst apart at the surface of the sea and now from that same spot, a large shark sped through the air towards Hanuman with its gaping maw open and gnashing. Hanuman panicked in the air and he flung his arms wildly trying to move out of the way of the shark. He shook so wildly that he almost let loose the tarp that he had tied tightly to his back with ropes. The shark did not reach Hanuman though, falling several meters short, and it fell back into the sea below with a massive splash. It did not again try to reach Hanuman but the monkey kept watching nervously waiting for such an attempt. The rest of his flight went peacefully.

As Hanuman neared Lanka, he observed thousands of towers and buildings that made up the great city. He prepared himself both mentally and physically for what was to come. He was to invade the city and save Sita all before the other monkeys even knew he was there. Then they'd finally appreciate his work. Hanuman released his great tarp to slow himself down so that he could land safely but instead he slammed into the side of a tower and died.

Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana, Hanuman's Leap

Author's Note: I wanted to try to remove some of the explicit magical elements found in one of the stories we've read so I decided to make a more humorous and more realistic (though still pretty ridiculous) retelling of Hanuman's leap. The main change is that I simply eliminated the role of magical qualities (other than the talking monkeys). There's no super powers. There's no climbing mountains in minutes. The only absurd part is the catapult itself which at least is a real thing even if the events that happen with it are a bit far-fetched. I tried to keep up some of the absurdity and the ending really plays into that since it completely violates the original ending and would basically ruin the entire rest of the Ramayana without some heavy narrative rework. This whole story is kind of a twist on the absurdity of what's often happening in the Ramayana. The reader knows what's happening is insane and so it's puzzling when suddenly things are realistic once again. It was a fun little experiment.
I've tried to revise this story to make many aspects of this story clearer and I really tried to make the comedic elements a little more blunt. I think the story is more pleasant to read if the comedic style and tone are maintained. Originally I had wanted the piece to be more matter-of-fact but I think the story is much more pleasing to read when it's left to be a little more comic. By changing some of the more serious parts to reflect that, it makes the overall piece both more stylistically uniform and a more enjoyable read for the audience. The absurdity makes it a much stronger piece overall, I think.

/(Hanuman and Surasa, wikimedia commons)

Reading Notes: Public Domain Ramayana Part D

They really build up the battle in this set and then even when we get there, it’s a long drawn out process. It is interesting that there are some events that are often almost described in passing. They’re just glossed over briefly and we don’t really get much information while others go very in depth and really become almost novelistic in their form. It’s probably just the result of having many different pieces all written by different authors. Of all the forms though, I definitely prefer the novelistic style and will make sure to emulate the form in my own writing this week. All that said, I really want to try to do a longer battle scene in my story. It’d be fun to just write one long drawn out battle or series of battles that make up a bigger conflict.

It is interesting how magic plays such an integral part of the battles and yet it’s often not the main thing occurring. I mean to say that the battle itself – all the violence, the gore, the fighting – is where the real meat lies but then extremely powerful magic that really do change the tide of things are not as significant. It reminds me of some stories that try to downplay the role of magic because it becomes less of a deus ex machina and it also makes it seem like the characters are just used to the magic and thus the reader also starts to just accept it.

As always we see Rama as this almost indestructible and insurmountable warrior which is very impressive but I honestly wonder what the story would be like if he wasn’t so dang powerful. If he was more human, it’d definitely make the story feel as if he were actually at risk of suffering great harm. It could be fun to write a story where Rama is significantly weaker and has to use his wits and wiles rather than just his incredible strength and power to overcome his obstacles. It would also make the battle scenes much more interesting if you’re looking at how Rama acts in them. 

Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana, Link

(Agni Pariksha, Wikimedia Commons)

Reading Notes: Public Domain Ramayana Part C

Rama’s seemingly cowardly way of killing Vali is really an interesting twist for a character who has up to now been this extremely noble and indomitable hero. He took on thousands of demons and won and yet now he’s choosing to fight from the shadows. It’s a bit surprising and definitely an interesting writing choice. Keeping promises and fighting nobly face to face seems to have been a pretty big deal up until this point. It’s always a risk in writing when your main character does something that’s seemingly out of character and this is no real exception to that rule. It might be worth trying with my own writing but it’d probably be tricky to do well with just short piece so maybe not.

It’s definitely interesting that it seems like more of the pieces are in verse than before and it makes for a slightly different reading experience than in parts A and B. I’m still hesitant to try writing my own verse form though. Even though it might be good to try, sadly I’ll still probably end up just sticking with prose as I’m more comfortable with it.

I really wanted to comment on Sampati’s story because it seems very similar to the fall of Icarus. Though the motivations are somewhat different and Sampati is injured protecting his brother, it’s still very interesting that the story still has the idea of a character getting too close to the sun and thus being burned. Sampati’s story is very powerful and it would definitely be worth considering to use in my storytelling this week either in theme or perhaps through a retelling.

The sort of amusing way Hanuman gets out of harm’s way is also an almost comic portion of the piece even though it seems like it’s mainly there to show how nimble he is. I could use something similar in storytelling to try to get some light humor going. It’s also interesting how he strikes down a woman to get her out of the way but story makes sure to tell the reader that he was gentle about it which almost seems oxymoronic. I feel like you could retell his little adventure from a rather humorous standpoint and still stay true to the source material.

Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana, Link

(The golden abode of King Ravana, wikimedia commons)

My Feedback Thoughts

I've taken workshop-style creative writing classes at OU and so I've gotten used to both receiving and giving feedback. Like this article says, it's hard to take feedback. We don't like reading about the things we did poorly on. We all want to hear what we've done well. I think the ultimate thing to consider when both giving and receiving feedback is that the goal always be to improve whatever you're giving feedback on. Say what's good and what could be better. Don't just say whether you like it or not. If you do, that's great and let them know that, but you also want to help the other person. That's why you're giving feedback, right? So tell them what you think will help them improve. That's always worked for me and I think it's a very positive way of doing feedback. Both the person receiving feedback and the one giving the feedback are both working towards the same goal and that's when you really get great feedback. You don't want to discourage but you don't want to just give empty praise either.

(Grumpy Cat Meme, Source)