My Feedback Thoughts

I've taken workshop-style creative writing classes at OU and so I've gotten used to both receiving and giving feedback. Like this article says, it's hard to take feedback. We don't like reading about the things we did poorly on. We all want to hear what we've done well. I think the ultimate thing to consider when both giving and receiving feedback is that the goal always be to improve whatever you're giving feedback on. Say what's good and what could be better. Don't just say whether you like it or not. If you do, that's great and let them know that, but you also want to help the other person. That's why you're giving feedback, right? So tell them what you think will help them improve. That's always worked for me and I think it's a very positive way of doing feedback. Both the person receiving feedback and the one giving the feedback are both working towards the same goal and that's when you really get great feedback. You don't want to discourage but you don't want to just give empty praise either.

(Grumpy Cat Meme, Source)

Story: Bradley and Ramon

Bradley and Ramon

Heat rippled off the ground in long, thin tendrils, bending and waving through the light like smoke. It’d been hot the whole summer as it always was in the deep south of Makom, Texas. It was about thirty miles south of Dallas. It was the sort of small suburb you found outside every big city in America.

Bradley was the youngest of three brothers and still lived with his parents. Bradley’s mom was not the mother to either of his brother and neither of his brothers shared the same mother either. Bradley’s father, Damien, hadn’t had the most success with marriage in the past given this was his third try and though this one had lasted the longest, it was going downhill. Bradley’s mother, Maria, had met Bradley’s father in the hospital where she was working as a nurse. His dad had wound up in the emergency room after getting bitten by a rattle snake while moving logs. The two had ended up dating for a few months afterward and then Maria got pregnant with Bradley and the two got married quickly after finding out. Such was the tradition in towns like Makom.

Bradley’s brothers Ramon and Larry had always been kind to him through childhood. The three got along very well despite having different mothers. They grew up fast, always excelling in their classes. As they came into young adulthood, they worked for their father’s construction company, impressing others with their great knowledge and strength for their age, but Ramon was the strongest and smartest, and yet Bradley and Larry didn’t envy him for it. The three all respected one another.

Near Ramon’s 18th birthday, his father was growing ill and told his wife and Ramon that if he passed he wanted Ramon to take over the business. Ramon was young but Damien insisted that the workers respected him and would listen to him. Maria did not like this arrangement though for one of her coworkers’ sons had just been promoted to VP at the bank where he worked. As Damien lay in bed resting late at night, Maria came to him and said

“Do you remember on our wedding night when you promised me anything in the world you could provide in exchange for me saving your life that one time?”

“I do,” Damien said.

“I beg you to please let Bradley manage the company when you pass. He greatly deserves it,” Maria pleased.

“What? I cannot do such a thing. Bradley will not even be 18 for two more years. He isn’t even ready if I wanted to put him in charge,” Damien said.

“Please. If you don’t do this, I’ll kill myself too. Please wait for Bradley to take charge. Send Ramon to travel the world for a few years. He is smart and will do well. That way, he will be ready for the world and will find his own job somewhere with his great skillset. Then, Bradley will be old enough to take power long before Ramon returns. If you were to pass, I could manage the company until Bradley was old enough. “

“No. I cannot betray my son that way. Bradley wishes to and deserves my position. It is only fair to give it to him.”

“But you promised me this! You must!”

“Please don’t make me do this!”

But the wife could not be swayed and the father gave in. The next morning, he told Ramon and Larry of what had transpired. Larry rejected the decision immediately but Ramon silenced him and said,

“It’s okay, dad.”

Larry promised to go with Ramon. If Ramon was to leave, then Larry would go with him. Ramon and Larry packed their things and went on their way, while their father mourned for their leaving. All this while, Bradley was still in class during the day and when he returned that night, his mother told him what had transpired.

“You can’t be serious. My brothers are gone! And it’s because of you! I don’t even want to be in charge. I want to go to college. How could you do this?” Bradley shouted.


“I did what I did for you!” Bradley’s mother pleaded, but Bradley would not listen. He grabbed his things and began running to the bus station to catch his brothers and stop them.

(Bharata meets Rama in Chitrakoot, wikimedia commons)

Authors Note: I based this story on parts 21-23 of reading B. I tried to do a modern retelling of the tale because it seemed like an interesting challenge. I changed the names up a bit and had to change some events to make them make more sense and even then some of it was a stretch, but it was a fun exercise. 

Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana

Reading Notes: Public Domain Ramayana, Reading Part B

This section of reading seems to take a much more narrative tone. The descriptions have grown much lighter and the story seems to move into a more narrative style. This could just be the author’s for these individual pieces’ styles though. I could defiantly take the form though and use as a more mid-story form of my pieces. I could start with a more traditional style with heavy description and matter of fact elements and then move to a more narrative style that engrosses the reader with more events and actions. This more traditional story-telling style is really clear in Bharata Returns and it’s definitely a style I would like to emulate in my own writing. It’s not as cut and dry as much of the reading has been. The pieces in general though for the first several stories in this section are all heavily driven with scene rather than description which makes the reading process much more pleasant.

The theme of brotherly love and commitment is really clear here in these pieces. Bharata has everything going for him. The throne is his if he would only take it and yet he knows it is rightfully his brother’s and so he forgoes taking it for himself and even begs his brother to return home. It’s a very powerful image – this giving up of power in the name of fraternal love. It’s definitely something I would be interested in trying to include in my writing. It is a bit weird that the sandals become the figurative ruler of the city in Rama’s place, but it’s still a very powerful image. It might be worth re-writing a modern telling using sneakers or something more modern to really show the strangeness but significance behind the actions taken.

As I’ve been reading more and more of the pieces in verse, I definitely am leaning towards writing in prose instead. While the poetic form can be attractive, I feel that this type of story lends itself better to direct narrative form of prose rather than verse. I’ll probably avoid writing verse here unless I have to. The direct narration and strong images and scenes really are far more attractive to the average reader. It could still be fun though to mess around in verse in the future. I’m not writing it off completely but I am leaning against doing it.

(Rama defeats Khara, wikimedia commons)

Bibilography: Public Domain Ramayana 

Reading Notes: Public Domain Ramayana, Part A

Throughout much of the reading for Part A, I’ve found the use of strong figurative language and imagery to be a constant. The use of metaphors and similes is especially useful because it provides a more universal context to scenes that may not be familiar to a reader not used to the names and places given. Phrases like “the soft winds were wont to beat back the white water-blooms from the honey bees as coy maidens are withheld by the impulses of modesty from their eager lovers” and “warriors fierce as flames of consuming fire” from King Dasharatha provide a solid parallel between the somewhat foreign setting to a more universal image. This occurs time and time again. It seems that many of the pieces use figurative language in order to convey more complex settings or events through common or universal images.

Besides just strong figurative language, there is a constant barrage of new information that appears certainly cultural in nature. The direct links to Wikipedia give the reader much needed context for understanding the happenings that are taking place. In a retelling, it would make sense to maintain certain links to things that the reader may not know about, otherwise very important context could be lost. It would be probably be worth it to include links for certain things and characters.

The few battle scenes are described in a very matter of fact manner which in some ways is useful because it gives the text a certain weight to it. It’s almost historical in tone and thus sets up the image as being a historical narrative rather than a fictitious one. It would be useful to maintain the certain distant tone in my own retellings to maintain that sort of omniscient and almost historical tone about the piece.

I’ve very intriqued by the use of time in the Ramayana. This is especially clear in Bhagiratha andGanga. Often small events take entire years and it isn’t uncommon to see tens of millennia described. I could write my stories with similar time usage to maintain the form and style of the piece while I could then change the actual events. The form would be set but the content would have a bit more personal flair.

I’m especially interested in the poetic form of Ahalya, Rama Wins Sita, and several others. It could be fun to a do a retelling that retells a story not found in a poetic form in one or vice versa. 

(The death of Dasaratha, source)

Bibliography: 

Public Domain Ramayana, Link