This portfolio is going to focus on my attempts at retellings of the stories we've read in Epics of India.
This first piece is an absurdist rewrite of the original tale of Hanuman's leap. I tried to take the original tale and eliminate some of the more magical elements of the tale and then do an aburdist version that's still loosely based in reality. Enjoy!
This second piece is also pretty absurd, though not quite as much so as the first one. It is the story of the Pandavas hunting the white deer and then their unfortunate trial at the lake but I've rewritten it pretty significantly and replaced the person asking the riddles with something else. Stephen King fans will probably figure it out pretty quickly. Here it is! I hope you enjoy it!
This third piece was kind of experimental but like most of my stories ended up being more comical than I had intended even if it's a bit more serious than my others. I should probably just accept that most of my stories are going to be based in comedy to some extent. This piece deals with the servant's perspective as he tries to save the Pandavas from the soon-to-be burned Laq palace.
This third story is part of a series of stories I've been working on. I was inspired by the Epified Krishna video series and I decided to tell the story of Krishna if he was mainly kept alive through blind luck rather than his divinity. I hope you enjoy it and I'll be adding stories to this one in the future as well. link
This next story in my portfolio is a continuation of the series I started several weeks ago. I've been working on this series several weeks now and I plan on finishing it up pretty quickly since the class is about over. Here again, you see Krishna, despite all his misfortune survive against great odds through blind luck. link
Hi Jeff! Great story! I thought I remembered reading this story earlier in the semester, but it looks like you've reworked it a great deal since then. It was definitely fresh and intriguing to read this time.
ReplyDeleteWhen Hanuman is almost eaten by the shark, but then he's actually not eaten, you transition saying that the rest of the flight goes peacefully. Since you took time to describe how he nervously watched the water for another attempt by the shark, I would imagine that he wasn't actually at peace. This seemed slightly off to me, so might I suggest transitioning with something more along the lines of "Hanuman's flight continued on unhindered, albeit an anxious journey." or something in your own voice. I think you could also use this moment to increase some anxiety in the reader about build suspense about what's going to happen.
Finally, this may not be to your liking at all, but what if for a final sentence, you included some humor along the lines of "and he died. Hanuman's friends, in the end, were right to have assumed that Hanuman created his own death." To me, that seems more of a finished edge for the reader. HOWEVER, the surprise of Hanuman's death and the abruptness to which you story stops is also a unique and clever way to finish it, so it is simply a choice of how you want to leave the reader feeling when we're finished. Great job,!
As for your second story, whoah. I have not read Stephen King's the wastelands (the link you provided isn't a link), so I went and poked around for some information. From what I gather, the monorail is supposed to be criminally insane (in Stephen King's books), is that what you were trying to go for with the initial rhyme the train first speaks? I think this could be clarified through Yudhistira's response a little bit better. Otherwise, I loved how it was a small child's joke that ended it all in the end! This was a great mash up of ideas, I really enjoyed it. I think moving forward, just a few clarifiers in this second story would help and then I would really enjoy reading an expanded edition to this rather than honing it down!
I don't know why I haven't read any of your portfolio stories yet, but I will make sure to do so this Sunday! All of your stories sound so intriguing, especially the one inspired by Stephen King. I am doing a story book so my introduction is much different. Are your portfolio stories suposed to have a common theme? If so, it seems that absurd or silly retelling could make a good theme.
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